Made a mistake at the start of the day today. Yep I turned on the news. It’s the same old contentious crap I’ve been listening to for 2 years and I’ve had it. And this is where the thought and discussion on that topic ends today because I don’t feel like raising my blood pressure in that way.

So I’m going to try to avoid mistakes the rest of the day. At least big ones. Because I make mistakes every day. From simple stuff like walking past a clean basket of cloths that need to come upstairs to big one like being negative and not enjoying and making the most of a day.

So today I’m going to try to make the most of it. I’ve already got a good start here having a few ideas and some of the post finished before noon. And that isn’t too common. Also taking my better half to lunch this afternoon was a good start. She enjoyed it. I did also except for them screwing up my order. Chili is not a substitute for Cream of Crab soup especially without telling me up front. Then telling me they gave me an old daily special menu and that today’s soup de jour was chili and I guess thinking that would make a difference in me keeping it.

Oh and note to menu staff – CHILI is not a SOUP. Now my better half is going to read this and think I’m still upset. I remember the smiles and talk and her eyes and running outside in the rain together and opening her car door for her. Yeah it could have been better but any time together is great. And usually this place is excellent, so I’m not going to bash them in public unless they chose to make these kind of mistake next time.

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I was reading a post about Seasonal Affective Disorder from Ashleyleia and thought for a second that I think I might have a touch of this. Well then after a second or two more of thought, I definitely have this. I’d say mine is limited to two seasons. It starts in the fall when the leaves fall and the nights cool. And it gets in hyper-drive when winter sets in.

Then hope is restored and the first day of spring which is also a special birthday in this family rolls around and I can see light at the end of the tunnel. But it does depress me at many points in between.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the holiday season. I enjoy a snowfall where I don’t have to go to work. I don’t even mind the shoveling. My back does but that is a physical issue, not mental. But I find myself in short supply of patience. I hate to be cold and also dislike wearing lots of cloths to stay warm. I work some nights and when I do it’s depressing not to have the sunlight of the long summer days.

With winter weather comes more incidents of people who are clueless in how to drive in bad weather. Working in an industry that is session regardless of weather I’m always surprised and disappointed in how it seems to be the people furthest away make it and those that live next door, or at least dozens of miles closer don’t. I used to be one of those fools to slug through mother nature. No more, not risking my health and vehicle for what wasn’t appreciated in the first place. In fairness a lot of those managers are no longer there.

Anyway my attitude suffers from the time I get up and have to pull the covers off and get hit with the chill. All the extra activities you have to factor in. Warming up the car. Pulling on enough layers of cloths to mimic Nanook of the North. Taking off all those cloths. But those are the simple things.

The holiday visit to my parents grave is always the most difficult of the year. The commute with the windows and top up all the time. There are too many competing interest. People at the job are ready to fire out all the new years goals and complete them in the first 3 months of the year. And here you are trying to spend time on self-improvement and upping the quality of your LIFE. Those two certainly go together.

Looking at the landscape is grey and baron. Wildlife is limited. Everyone seems in a hurry. My annual physical is in the winter. As are cancer checks. I can get by most if not all of these things. I can cope. It is a struggle though. I feel more on edge. I’m not relaxed and thinking about options. Things easily stack up where I feel overwhelmed even though I’m handling them. It feels like a juggler in the middle of a performance all of a sudden realizing he had about 5 bowling pins in the air and only two hands and panic hits. So in a sense its a loss of confidence. Yeah the juggler and I keep all the pins in the air but that panic is not forgotten. And my body and mind don’t seem to relax till I can step out the front door with a pair of gym shorts on and not curse the temperature.

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Random Thoughts of the Day

I think more about staying fit than actually doing something staying fit. I’m going to have to change that in 19.

I’m always wondering, in some ways it helps me think creatively. In others it waste time. So it adheres to the adage – with the good comes the bad. Now if I could just find where I’m hiding that good in my creativity.

Blind loyalty is not a positive character trait.

If you think about throwing money in the trash can when you throw away your losing lotto ticket, you will buy less of them.

People who know everything and make all the right moves rarely realize much smarter people are already miles ahead of them.

I’m going to make this color printer look like a printing press later today. A fresh supply of ink and paper will put a jump in my step. If I only had more wall space.