I try to stay under control but I do slip. And today is one of those days. And tomorrow might be one as well. I’m livid about a few things and I’ve got myself wound up tight. So I’ve got to work on calming myself down so I don’t let it waste important time. I’ve got to get it in check again and focus on things that are really important and not on people who aren’t.
I’ve got to remember that I shouldn’t care about what people say, who I don’t have respect for, in the first place. I’ve got to learn better techniques to keep them from even triggering the rage I feel right now. I’ve got to make some further changes that will protect me from bull that doesn’t do me any good and safeguards if some does creep into my life that it can be expelled immediately.
But decades of practicing handling rage in the wrong ways are hard to break. I recognize it earlier now. I know its bad for me. I try to make myself calm and focus on what I want life to be. But I find myself walking a fast pace around the house cursing out loud if nobody is at home and to myself if I’m not alone. I might do my best Mohammad Ali impression of his fight with Sonny Liston. I might test the springs on my keyboard. I might do a burnout when I get in the car. I might snap at someone.
Part of it is my nature. When I feel like I’m being attacked I get aggressive and defensive at the same time. When I feel I’m being wronged I fly into rage mode. At least I’ve dropped the revenge part of life. But I still struggle in the moment. Its kind of funny, I can keep very good control in very stressful emergency situations but try to treat me unfairly and that is a serious issue.
So let me go water some positive vibes, take some deep breaths, maybe lean back and shut my eyes for 2-3 minutes, block out all noise. And go find that book I wanted to read called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK.
Random Thoughts of the Day
Sometimes I’m not a bad cook.
Somehow I can understand people who have been beaten down and have given up. At the same time I try to never give up despite being beaten down.
Oh yeah, we are killing this planet we live on.
I’m irritated with the voice menu system at medical systems and doctors offices. Oh yeah and insurance companies and and business that use one. Yeah it saves you money but you got a pissed off customer when a real person answers. Which isn’t often.
It’s Mental Health Awareness week. If I had some, I wish I was aware of it. So much of it alludes me.