I found a draft I had started in August of 2015 the other day with the title “Uncertainty and other thoughts.” The uncertainty almost 5 years ago was the day or two before my doctor’s appointment to see if the surgery for my second cancer was successful. In the preceding weeks that uncertainty invaded almost every moment of life. Even if I was doing or thinking about something else I noticed my overall mode was reserved because of the uncertainty of the future. Even when I laughed it was shorter because that uncertainty would creep into my thoughts.
I never finished that draft, because the results of that appointment weren’t good. I had to do 3 months of radiation Mon-Fri every morning after working an all-night shift. I would drive from DC where I worked to Baltimore for treatments at 8 am. I was proud I didn’t miss any work over that time.
Those bad results in August followed by another bad set the next month changed my attitude a bit also. I was going into an area of greater uncertainty and if I allowed myself to get ramped up even more than I was after the surgery hoping things were going to be good I would have driven myself nuts.
I just kind of accepted and hoped for the best during that time and after. And that is what I do now. Not to say I’m out of touch with the reality of things but the reality is we have very little control. We have live each day the best. Spend each day expressing love and laughter. Practice compassion. Focus on the things that aren’t measured in monetary wealth.
We took a short ride around the county today. I hadn’t been out in over a week. And that was just to drop off prescription and food at father and mother inlaws. We were looking for someplace to get out and soak up a few minutes of the sun while walking. There were a lot of people out in the various areas we cruised to, so I thought of one that was near where I grew up that was normally quiet. So I drove down to Scotts Cove in Rocky George. I was surprised to see some people out but we managed to keep a great distance from anyone and only stayed out about 30-40 minutes.
Photos by Mike Hartley
Random Thoughts of the Day
- Today would have been Opening Day in Baseball. So I put on my Yankee shirt to mark the day.
- I miss the Thursday night gathering with friends very much.
- I love being couped up with someone I love.
- I can hear the stress in a great number of people’s voices.
- I’m starting to discover what a good night’s sleep feels like.
Random Links of the Day