THREW Mikes EyEz

Original Writings, Images, Video and Artworks of Mike Hartley

Tag Archives: alone


by 2 Comments

Made me think

I captured this image on the deck at Fagers Island Restaurant on the deck in Ocean City. I almost went right by it with that brutal sun in the middle of it but I started looking more closely. I thought of all the things people might interpret from a shot like this.

Photo by Mike Hartley

I purposely left the two cups in front of each of them because each of them was with someone so they were not alone. I could have easily cropped out the second drink in front of them. But the shot somehow conveys that to me with them back to back and no visible partner even with the glasses in front of them.

I remember now how my mother would sometimes say when I would ask what she was having, “Oh, I don’t know, it’s not much fun eating alone.” And we always lived nearby and would eat with her as often as we could. But I certainly understood her feelings. I could really see it with all the people that are in independent or assisted living. I would go several times a week and she would point out the ones that were always alone with nobody visiting. And it was no small percentage.

Being a senior I’m sometimes at restaurants where I see individual diners. I might have to draw up the courage to see if some of them want to join us in the future. There is a lot of loneliness in the world. That is not a good thing. Families have been too splintered.

Remember, smile at someone you don’t know. It might make their day or change their spirits. Offer a kind word to someone, hold a door for someone, and say I hope have a nice day as you check out at the register and a thank you for your waitress.

A Day with My Grandson

Yesterday I got to spend the day with my grandson. What a joy that was. And being he is a little over a year now and walking it takes a ton of energy to keep up with that little guy.

My son and his better half had a chance to go to the Orioles playoff game which provided my opportunity. It’s been a while since my granddaughter was this young and it’s been a while also in watching them alone. My better half is usually involved anytime there is an opportunity but she had plans with our daughter.

I know yesterday made my weekend. Those smiles, the hugs, when he crawls into my lap or stands between my legs with his arms outstretched over them as I sit on the couch watching the game for a few seconds with a half eye and the other 1 and a 1/2 on him. I know his dad must be watching games with him because if the crowd got excited he would start to yell and raise his arms.

But we played and played for most of the day with his toys, went for a stroller ride around the community, and did some laps on the deck.

He seemed to really like boxes. I had brought some toys from home that I know he likes and some he hasn’t seen yet. He dragged that empty box around for several minutes from one end to the other. Suddenly he stopped and stood there, looked at it, and started to get in and then sat in it, looked around inside it, looked around outside it, and then looked at me and let out a shriek of happiness with a big smile.

So I crawled over and pushed him around the house for about 20 minutes on my hands and knees and he was so happy. I said Papa has to take a break. He was out of the box for just a minute or two and I was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and he wanders over and just lays across my legs and stays there so I started to rub his back. Even at that age, they know ways of saying thanks. Either that or I wore him out somehow. Too much excitement maybe?

I also forgot what eating machines they were at that age. They warned me that he is sloppy and a thrower at meals. But I didn’t have any issues. He seemed intent on getting all of it into his face. There was one small piece of mac and cheese and a small piece of blueberry on the floor but nothing else and the tray was pretty clean.

I was exhausted and when I got home, I snacked for 5 minutes, laid down, and was out in 5 minutes. He waved goodbye as I was leaving last night which was one of the first things I remembered this morning. Grandchildren have made me very happy getting into my senior years. They remind me of the important things in life. Learning, happiness, and love.

Random Thoughts of the Day

  • Deserts are one of the sweet parts of life. Old fact, when I was young I worked in an ice cream factory for a summer. I was on the half-gallon line. I guess that is why I don’t mind having ice cream in the morning because that was my shift.
  • Important expectations, lessons, limits, and rules are not being taught and enforced at a young age. At the same time, it’s hard to expect that as a standard for those living on next to nothing and surrounded by negative examples once they step out the door no matter how much their parents support them.
  • Sports are fantastic in their genuine form, the game being played itself, at any level. Watching or as a player. It’s all these other pregame, prediction, gambling, fantasy, and fluff shows surrounding it that I can do without. Halftime entertainment is fine. Also, give me school bands instead of DJs at college games, please.


by Leave a comment

Alone

I got to thinking about how I’ve changed over time. I used to want to work around people and now I’m very happy working alone. I used to like large parties and events and now I prefer smaller gatherings or just a few people. I used to like large family gatherings, now I shy away from them.

Alone with nature. Photo by Mike Hartley

I was starting to feel this way before the pandemic started but the increased isolation isn’t the tough thing it is for some people. And to be honest I like some aspects of it. Working from home alone keeps me running into thousands of other drivers each morning and evening. And I can’t tell you how much I like that being my commute was 45 miles each way to downtown D.C and back.

Not to mention being late in my career a lot of friends have retired and the number of close friends at the job has dwindled so those relationships are now outside the job. But I also like working alone pretty much self-supervised. I’ve had good bosses and some bad ones. When you are trusted to work independently and still communicate well so everyone is on the same page and happy that is what I want and have at this stage of life. Thank you, boss.

Teams are great. If you have a good group everyone benefits and grows much faster I believe some of the best work I’ve done has been on teams of people or leading teams of people. I also enjoy helping my partner and some other members of engineering and even some in other departments when I can. I’ve always shared any knowledge I have freely. But as you all might have run into there are always people who know everything and those not interested in learning anything and those I quickly disconnect myself from.

I’ve discovered I enjoy listening to music a lot more again and I like doing that alone in my man cave or car. When I’m photographing I’m alone. When I’m writing now I’m alone. And I’m very comfortable in those spaces.

Of course, I don’t want to disconnect. I don’t live vicariously through social media or nor am I a loner. I connect with my friends often and we keep in close touch through a number of tools.

I guess I started separating from the masses though when I started the night shift again about 7-8 years ago. I had to remind myself from previous stints on nights, it disconnects you from a large segment of society. It changes relationships with friends and family, even though I work very strenuously not to let it affect any of those things even if it means my personal sacrifice of sleep.

But working in a building that houses thousands and you work a shift where security and cleaning crews almost outnumber our staff there, its one of the many lifestyle changes that have to be adapted to. So I had a few years of isolation adaption before covid hit and people started to hunker down and experience so much anxiety over it.

Some people are so excited about getting back to the office. That is the furthest thing from my wishes right now I’m sorry to say. Oh, there are a few people that I will make a point to see and keep in touch with but my days of wanting to be in a large office complex are over.

Even when I’m at home and it’s just my better half and I. Many days I wake early, usually some ache or pain and I get up to stretch but I stay up because I can have some alone time. Sometimes there are a lot of voices in this head to listen to without anyone else chiming in.

The danger in liking being alone is that it can go too far and I’m keeping a close eye on it. But I’m also using the time I have in doing a little more of what I want and less of what the group wants. And I don’t mean that to sound selfish, I’ve probably been on the people-pleasing side too long and maybe that is why pulling back feels so good right now.

Random Thoughts of the Day

  • There is something that makes me feel good about being up and seeing a sunrise each day.
  • Another beautiful day, well part of it, on tap and I’m going to get outside and enjoy the hell out of it.
  • It’s the time of year where you need multiple wardrobes each day.
  • I think I’ll start to try to post earlier in the day than late in the day and see if that makes any difference in viewship. Maybe doing some better content would help also.
  • Every year I have this battle with myself. Do I put down chemicals in my yard to have it look nicer or do I not and have a healthier earth and less visual pleasure. Most years I actually avoid the chemical dispersion but so many neighbors have these services pull up and put down tanks of chemicals on their lawns it seems like what I don’t do might not ammount to a hill of beans.