I think I figured out why I can’t sleep. I can’t wait till I get to wake up each day. Early mornings and late nights are mostly my time. I never thought about that before but it’s nice to start and end a day that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a loaner. I have a great number of people in between those times.
And I enjoy people greatly but I also like my time. Having a few minutes to create or just veg on the couch. Maybe a quick read or jot down a few ideas. Maybe clean the workroom or office a bit. Maybe make another print after changing inks again. Or pick up the camera for a few frames.
When I don’t get my time, I get out of sorts. Yes, usually I make the decision to sacrifice it for one reason or another, some good and some poor. But I’m finding those few minutes or an hour or two can make a huge difference. I’m thinking of slowing down and not sacrificing them as much in the coming days.
The mental health benefits are too great to ignore. Just like I’ve come to realize a good night’s sleep is worth its weight in gold. Another reason I’m so poor. But I’m working on these things.
Grief – I’m watching people go through it, and experienced some myself. I’m amazed at the strength of my mother-in-law. I’m also touched by the depth of her hurt. They say losing a child is the most painful event, but losing your lifelong partner/husband of almost 7 decades has to be a close second. I’m amazed at the strength and resiliency of my better half in dealing with both the loss and becoming a caregiver. I was impressed by how well most of the family pulled together.
The hurt sometimes lasts forever for some. Yes, you can also move on but there is a missing part of you. Those shared memories that only you have now. That special person missing to sometimes recall them and smile or laugh or cry upon hearing again.
As I get older myself, sometimes I sit back now and just listen intently to a best friend tell one of the many stories of our past. One we have probably shared many times before. And now I take it in, put it in a memory bank so if one day I’m recalling that story and nobody else is around that remembers it, I’ll replay the glory and zest my best friends tell it with now. But I’ll have to imagine the wink or laugh or shot to the gut or back of the head if I tell it right or mess any part of it up.
Random Thoughts of the Day
- I have so many lists I need a directory for them.
- We can change, we prove it to ourselves all the time. It’s just taking those final steps after that long walk.
- One day I will prove time moves faster on days off.
- United we stand said no one at the bar.
- You can love as much as your heart can give. Just try it, you will be surprised how deep that well is.