Yesterday was my Mothers birthday. She passed several years ago and I still miss her so much. I always will. But over time the missing them changes. At least it has for me. The pain changes. The memories that come back in reminders of them from time to time bring more smiles than tears as time goes by. The pain never goes away but the pain is mostly limited to those few days (her birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving, my birthday, graveside visits). The many other days of the year where I catch a glance of a photo of her or see something that reminds me of her I smile.
Even the smells of Thanksgiving dinner that used to be painful are now cause for a smile again. I remember how she loved to cook that day and see the smile on her face when she got everything on the table and was able to take a breath and sit down.
I try to imagine the smile on her face if she were able to see her great-grandchildren and hold them. I know how much she enjoyed and loved her own grandchildren.
It takes a while to get to this point. And I’m sure it’s different for everyone. Plus the times of death of a parent can have a dramatically different reaction. I can attest to that also with my father passing at a young age. I had a host of emotions from anger to rejection and abandonment. I lacked the age and wisdom to understand at 9. As I grew I didn’t deal with it. I ignored it and then I used it as an excuse to live hard. I had to come to peace with a number of things over the decades.
Anyway, there are a lot of people in a lot of pain on September 11th. But as time has passed for me and the memories of loved ones passed for many others, I hope that the smile that my parents now supply me in times of difficulty and missing them is extended to those who’s families were so tragically touched on September 11th.
So today begins anew. I wrote most of this post yesterday but the lack of rest caught up with me and I crashed. I’ve moved the tractor is out front waiting for the grass to dry. The push mower and string trimmer are at the ready out back. Now, normally I’d just put my head down and get to it with the thought I might at best get a draw with mother nature today. But I have an extra set of hands today with my son coming for a visit and offer of assistance. Maybe victory is at hand.
I’ll be glad not to ache at the end of the day and call that a victory.
Random Thoughts of the Day
- Please always take a moment on September 11th each year for a few moments of silence. 8:46am – 9:03am – 9:37am – 9:59am – 10:03am – 10:28am. Thank you.
- My body and mind sent me a shutdown command last night, very early.
- The one consistent thing about a lying piece of SH*T is that they will never admit to being a lying piece of SH*T because that is what they do.
- I wonder how the players and coaches felt when being booed at the NFL game Thursday night. Some fans might want to think that this might affect how future players (both black and white) consider playing or not for your organization.