Being in my senior years I have a lot of past Christmases to look back on. From the days in a small apartment with mom, dad and my sister. Too muted Xmas celebrations after my father passed. Then celebrating with my better half and our families together or at each home during the holidays.

And as parents transitioned from their homes, ours became the focal point for family gatherings. Both our parents have been gone a while now even though at this time of the year always seems closer than it was.

Holiday are times of highs and lows for me. Not much middle ground. Our children and grandchildren provide much of the joy. But those times alone and even when together I get pains of those who were so loved but missing now.

Sometimes I smile when thinking of Christmas’s past. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. I guess those strong memories will never fade and always be part of the celebration and sadness.

So many struggle with the perfect gift. So many are under the pressures of travel and stresses associated with that. Then there are the struggles of family who aren’t on the same page. We have a few family members who have removed themselves from everyone. My own sister being one of them. I kind of feel sad for them but that was their choice and the only thing I can do is control how I feel and not worry about their decision-making process.

It’s hard to remember some Christmas seasons after a significant loss. I’m sure my son and his family will have mixed feelings, this one being the first without their beloved pet. She was such a part of celebrations because I’ve never seen an animal unwrap gifts like a human before. So gentle to just remove the paper.

I’ll be spending a lot of time checking in with friends and extended family the next few days trying to spread some joy and cheer.